Hell is other people

"Hell is other people." ~ Jean-Paul Sartre

If you've not read this phrase before, your initial reaction might be something between an uncontrolled burst of laughter and a significant sense of curiosity.  Once the first reaction subsides, if your reaction is similar to mine, the profound truth of the phrase's message becomes inescapable as evidence of this truth begins flowing into your mind.

What makes hell other people?  If other people are hell, what is heaven? 

I also imagine you will acknowledge, however, that some of the greatest pleasures in your life have involved people outside of your self, perhaps in the form of service to those who appreciate and value what you have to offer.  It's just those other people that seem to always screw things up!

Here are some of my own observations and evidence, followed by the original source, of "hell is other people:"

• Other people are not very bright but this does not stop them from assuming responsibilities, such as driving cars, running for public office, voting, managing investments, teaching your children, or presiding over the company for which you work -- all of which obviously have great potential impact on your life!
• You work hard for your clients and maintain an altruistic and ethical standard of conduct while other people attract business (and perhaps some of your clients) with a less-than-ethical standard of conduct.
• You consider yourself a valuable employee but you are employed by other people who decide to "downsize" in the face of recession and you lose your job!
• You have a great idea (i.e. to start your own business or to improve something at your place of employment) but other people don't seem to agree with the greatness of your idea.  As a result, your idea fails, assuming it even launches, and you begin to question your own judgment, which erodes at your self-worth and reduces the chances of offering more ideas.

Given that "hell is other people," what is it that you believe "other people" in this phrase really represent?

The grip that other people have on our lives might derive from our deepest desire -- self-actualization.  Often, and to our detriment, our self-actualization is dependent upon the approval (or what we perceive to be approval) of others.  Our actions, therefore, are often a reflection of what we believe other people expect.  This also extends to our desire to control our own destiny and to find the things (money, material wealth, social status) that we perceive will provide this control -- this validation.

The original proclamation that "hell is other people" came from Jean-Paul Sartre, the 20th century French existentialist philosopher and playwright," and his play No Exit:  The three main characters in the play arrive in hell, a hotel, and discover that their fate is to spend eternity together in one small room.  The characters further discover that hell is not torture by fire and brimstone but torture by other people and the perception that there is no escape.

Why is hell other people?  Because, as Sartre has explained, "…when we think about ourselves, when we try to know ourselves, … we use the knowledge of us which other people already have."  In other words, if we are not recognized or if our individual pursuits and dreams are not validated by other people's approval, we often feel that our existence has less meaning or even that it is worthless.

Personally, I like the interpretation, and what Sartre himself has implied, that other people represent a purgatory -- a place that can be heaven or hell, depending upon one's own perceptions...   

If hell is other people, then it is because you have made it so -- it is because you have allowed other people to shape your reality.  Your self-actualization, in this hell, is completely dependent upon the approval of others.

You play a kind of game -- a game of illusion -- with other people.  You put forth an image that you think other people want to see which is often an illusion in itself: Your resume, your web site, your Facebook page, your clothes, your car, your house, your choice of words, your vacation destination and your presentations to prospective clients all present an illusion to meet the expectations and validations of other people.

As with anything, there is a healthy balance to be found. 

The balance to be found is that, to co-exist with other people, which is inescapable, you must play this game of illusion to some degree; but you must also remain aware that this game is in fact an illusion: The illusion you put forth must not be far from the truth or you will lose touch with your own reality and lose your self along the way; you must realize that others are playing this game of illusion and the perception of "winning" or "losing" must remain only in the minds of other people -- not in yours; and most importantly, do not become other people -- the people that define their existence -- their heaven or hell -- by the perceived expectations and validations of other people.

Hell, therefore, is not other people -- hell is being other people.  Heaven is being yourself...

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Related:

When is Illusion Good?

Quotes on Contentment

The Deconstruction of Social Conventions & The 'Unlearning' Process

Comments

[John Cronin]

What a marvelous post, Kent. This is a message I needed to hear. Thanks again.

[hotairmail]

I would just like to say I enjoy reading your blog from time to time. Good counter balance to my speculative nonsense.

[Kent @ The Financial Philosopher]

John & hotairmail:

I appreciate your comments. I hope to hear from you again some time.

Cheers...

Kent

[richfool70]

Amazing blog!!! Your philosophical musings keep my ego 'grounded';)

[Kent @ The Financial Philosopher]

richfool70:

Thanks for the generous compliment....

Kent

[Peter]

I really enjoyed this post and feel it was very thought out. It is true that we are always making ourselves what we think other people want. I wrote a similar post to this one http://dwellupon.net/2009/10/give-weird/

[Kent @ The Financial Philosopher]

Thanks Peter! I had not read your post until just now. It's nice to know that there are more people out there who promote the idea of individual thought with little or no care for what "other people" think.

Cheers...

Kent

[Hugo Ferrer]

Very good post/reflexion.

I had this site in my list of sites, but is the first time I´m reading it and is very good.

These thoughts of you make me remind the words of Steve Jobs in his famous speech at Standfor University in 2005. Words that had a great impact in me:

"Rememberign that I´ll be dead soon is the most important tool I´ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything -all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of the death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering taht you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart."

[Kent @ The Financial Philosopher]

Thanks Hugo!

It is quite a compliment to be mentioned in the same context with Steve Jobs.

Thanks for reading my blog...

Kent

[Lizzy]

I was originally searching for the origin of this phrase (which I discovered via Martin Amis' novel Other People) but I was fascinated when I found this. I couldn't believe my own arrogance and soliptude in, ironically, failing to realise that Other People asked pretty much the same questions I was asking -they were not just Other People.
However, on reflection I realised the further irony that these ideas were posted on the internet - surely the manifestation of the phrase "hell is other people".
But on further reflection, perhaps it is the phrase "post a comment" that really hads a kind of global megaphone to the other people that make up hell.