"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for." ~ Epicurus
Can you think of a time in your life when you were quite content with much less in terms of material wealth than you have now? Do you recall a time when you thought to yourself, "Once I reach X level of income, my life will be so much better?" What happened once you reached X level of income and even surpassed it? Would your "past self" be satisfied with the material wealth of your "current self?" Why or why not?
One of my favorite books, actually recommended to me by a TFP reader, is Stumbling on Happiness, which is a fascinating study of the human condition supported by an entertaining and informative balance of neuroscience, psychology, philosophy and humor. Author, Daniel Gilbert, explains the evolution of the measure of happiness and its uniqueness among individuals and as compared to that of others, in the frame of the Experience-Stretching Hypothesis, which I found to be particularly interesting and useful:
Experience stretching is a bizarre phrase but not a bizarre idea. We often say of others who claim to be happy despite circumstances that we believe should preclude it that "they only think they're happy because they don't know what they're missing." Okay, sure, but that's the point. Not knowing what we're missing can mean that we are truly happy under circumstances that would not allow us to be happy once we have experienced the missing thing. It does not mean that those who don't know what they're missing are less happy than those who have it...
From what I could gather, the Experience-Stretching Hypothesis is an application of contextual theory, as put forth by T. Hagerstrand (Regional Studies, 1984), which argues "that the contexts in which human activity takes place -- the time, the space, and the place in the sequence of events -- are crucial to the nature of that activity." Daniel Gilbert highlights the contextual experience as highly subjective and iterates it as such:
...claims from someone's point of view -- from the perspective of a single human being whose unique collection of past experiences serves as a context, a lens, a background for her evaluation of her current experience...
I will reiterate that the perception of any given experience will typically change, or "stretch," over time with regard to the same experience and the same individual. As Gilbert says, "Once we have an experience, we are thereafter unable to see the world as we did before."
"Children's talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives." ~ Maya Angelou
An immediate example that comes to my mind is the early developmental stages of childhood and the increasing levels of stimulation required to "be happy" as we age. I recall, when my two young children were toddlers and were given a gift, they were more interested in the wrapping paper than the gift within it. In fact, I seriously doubt that they even knew or cared that there was another experience waiting for them within the package...
Adults watching a child opening a gift will think to themselves or say aloud, "How cute! She actually likes the ribbons and paper more than the toy!" Then another adult will likely hurry the child along to open the next gift. Knowingly or not, adults will "teach" a child to stretch the child's limits, or experience, of happiness to something greater than it needs to be...
For, as children ourselves, we also discovered that there was always more that we could obtain, and our quest for the next greater experience was henceforth perpetuated. Are we not still "teaching" ourselves to do this every day in our actions?
"What is important in life is life, and not the result of life." ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
As with any experience or pursuit that comes attached with emotion, whether it be the acquisition of wealth, a career advancement, an investment decision, or of sexual gratification, the expectation or anticipation of the experience is almost always greater than that of the acquisition or realization of our desire's object. It's "the thrill of the chase:"
Once we acquire the wealth, the better job, the genius stock trade, or the sexual gratification, we are already looking toward the next greater experience -- the proverbial carrot that we will never quite reach...
"If thou wilt make a man happy, add not unto his riches but take away from his desires." ~ Epicurus
It is my unscientific guess that most people who would say that they are truly "happy," would also say that their happiness is not a function of obtaining an end -- it is one of finding pleasure in the act of pursuing happiness, which is the means to an end, illustrated in a common metaphor, the journey -- with little or no consideration for where the journey will take them.
If we simply become aware of our experience stretching, we thereby enable ourselves to slow or even stop the stretching of our happiness by mindfully seeking contentment and by finding pleasure in the pursuit rather than in some unidentifiable, or even unreachable, reward.
This fulfillment, for us all, is the journey, itself -- the contentment of where we are now -- It is the ribbons and paper...
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The Secret to Happiness... is no secret
Hi Kent!
Wow, many great points here.
Your point about children connects with a post about Forrest Gump happening over at SuccessSoul. I made a point that high IQ can be hindrance to focus and joy, because with bigger view point you see so many things you don't need to see. They say ignorance is bliss, but if indeed all you know is satisfactory, it's better not to know what else is out there, from a satisfaction perspective.
And I'm working on a post about goal-setting that discuss the point about the thrill of the chase. Between result-oriented outlook and process-oriented outlook, the latter is always more reliably satisfying, without sacrificing results at all.
ari
Posted by: Ari Koinuma | July 29, 2008 at 01:34 PM
ari:
Thanks for your thoughts. I like your point of "process-oriented outlook." I can see how good results are just as much (if not more) a function of finding fulfillment in the process as good planning.
I'll watch for your post and check out SuccessfulSoul's as well...
Cheers...
Kent
Posted by: The Financial Philosopher | July 29, 2008 at 05:10 PM
Hi Kent, your article provoked me into thinking about something that connects with this theme so well.
Why 'wealth' in puritan society help creates talebin like minds? Wealth ordinarily is connected with debaucheary and luxury, it does create free mnds far more open minded then religious minds however since wealth brings no happiness solace is found in legends and myth's of religion by the puritan, this is the gist of my thought. Thanks for helping me think.
The quandry of election of 'talebin' like minds in super rich oil emirates!
''I agree with my intellectual friend Kent that “happiness is not a function of obtaining an end.” I would like to cite Kuwait as one country where this is accurate "If thou wilt make a man happy, add not unto his riches but take away from his desires."
The National Assembly has been dissolved many a times, and the people who are living under the total security of ‘cradle to grave social sanctuary’ with no taxes, government secured jobs for everyone, free health, free education, free housing plus subsidised energy and electricity are very restless, discontented, impatient and a fidgety bunch. They feel it is not sufficient; compulsion of luxury makes people prisoners of frustration. In terms of addiction luxury is far more detrimental than opium.
Kuwaiti over fed and over rich bored population finds gratification in religion; the expressions of ‘false self flagellated economic deprivation’ are expressed in their voting trends. Women who were granted the right to vote against the wishes of puritanical voted overwhelmingly for those who wanted to keep them out, it was a phenomenon where hostage becomes sympathetic to the ideals of kidnapper, so did many other disenfranchised Bedouins, the results of elections were mind boggling. ‘Salifis’ the hardest of dogmatic believers received greatest amount of seats and emerged as the largest single block and they nearly have two-thirds of majority if the Shiites are counted with them.
The remorse of overconsumption is washed hypocritically by being sanctimonious and devout. ‘Salifis’ in genre are demagogues more closer to Talibanic minds, their success made them have maximum gains over liberals, women, as well as lower income groups who were only ‘mere millionaires’ voted for antiquated systems to be brought back and shariaah laws to be imposed, those who drive jaguars and wear Armani or Versace want to bring back the thinking prevalent in the era of camel jockeying, this dichotomy and contradiction is unexplainable. ''
http://iqballatif.newsvine.com/_news/2008/07/30/1706535-the-quandry-of-election-of-talebin-like-minds-in-super-rich-oil-emirates
Posted by: Iqbal Latif | July 30, 2008 at 01:07 PM
Great article. It made me think that those people who get the greatest joy from their jobs are most likely, more focused on the joy their job brings them then the acctual compensation from the job. That may seem simple, but to me it's very interesting. It's the focus, not the object. If your focus is on the compensation(i.e. you work for money), than you will always be less happy than the person who has the job they love and is focused on the work that causes the compensation(i.e. you work for the joy of the work). I live in Japan (Side note -I have a daily blog "Dispatches from the land of the Rising Sun", on my political website, nextgen-politics.com, for those that would like to follow my daily adventures here).Anyway, this theory fits nicely into the Buddhist model that suffering is not an external stimulus, but an internal strugle with your desires. Very nice, article. I look forward to reading the next one.
Jerame Clough
Next Gen Politics
Posted by: Next Gen Politics | July 30, 2008 at 10:43 PM
Iqbal: Thanks for the link. Your usage of the subject matter is interesting, as always...
Jerame: You hit on a central theme of mine...
"I tell you that virtue is not given by money, but that from virtue comes money..." ~ Socrates
Your living in Japan sounds interesting. I will be sure to check out some of your "adventures!"
Cheers...
Kent
Posted by: The Financial Philosopher | July 31, 2008 at 01:01 AM