Self-Motivation & Other Hyper-Intentional Mistakes

"In some way, suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning, such as the meaning of a sacrifice." ~ Victor Frankl

Rather than turn from our suffering, why not attach a meaning to it and embrace it?  Is it not the lows that make us understand and appreciate the highs?  Why do we feel the need to motivate ourselves when it may not be necessary? 

Recently, I have seen many blog posts and books published covering the subject of self-motivation or some derivative thereof.  While it is, on its surface, an act inspired by good intentions, I believe self-motivation is too often an act of hyper-intention -- a potentially counter-productive act that may result in unintended consequences.

"The resistance to the unpleasant situation is the root of suffering." ~ Ram Dass 

When we recognize that we are de-motivated, our human tendency is to attach a negative meaning to it and try to force some kind of self-motivational behavior to correct it.  If we find ourselves de-motivated, perhaps our initial reaction should be to do nothing -- to NOT motivate ourselves.  In fact, the most prudent self-treatment may be to turn and face our melancholy, embrace it and let it run its course.

Consider a case of hyper-intention, or "paradoxical intention," as one of my favorite historical figures and authors, Viktor Frankl, describes in his epic book, "Man's Search for Meaning:"

The fear of sleeplessness results in a hyper-intention to fall asleep, which, in turn, incapacitates the patient to do so.  To overcome this particular fear, I usually advise the patient not to try to sleep but rather to try to do just the opposite, that is, to stay awake as long as possible.  In other words, the hyper-intention to fall asleep, arising from the anticipatory anxiety of not being able to do so, must be replaced by the paradoxical intention not to fall asleep, which soon will be followed by sleep.

Wow!  What a concept!  Overcoming sleeplessness by trying to stay awake!  How about overcoming our de-motivation by allowing ourselves to stay de-motivated? 

"If you are going through hell, keep going." ~ Winston Churchill

We overcome our challenges by facing them, embracing them, and moving with the flow of their direction rather than going against them.  If we focus on the low point as a problem and hyper-intentionally attempt to force a change, we risk the unintended consequence of defeating ourselves by spending what little energy we have remaining on a "problem" that is more perception than reality.

We should try to stop questioning things and allow the natural flow of life to run its course.  When we find a wave, we should ride it.  Conversely, when the undertow is pulling us back, we should not struggle to resist its force by swimming directly toward shore or we may drown as a result of our own exhaustion.

"Without accepting the fact that everything changes, we cannot find perfect composure.  But unfortunately, although it is true, it is difficult for us to accept it.  Because we cannot accept the truth of transience, we suffer." ~ D.T. Suzuki

I will not go so far as to say that self-motivational practices, motivational speakers and motivational media messages are useless and void of value.  I will say, however, that "quick fixes" are not beneficial for long-term well-being and that the energy we spend on changing our direction may be self-defeating.

Life, just like nature, goes through seasonal changes and to force a movement in a place, time and direction of our choosing is likely to be a futile effort -- just as if we were going against nature.

We should give our low points, as well as high points, a meaning, let the seasons of our life naturally progress, and be thankful for them.  There is a purpose for everything.  Without the understanding of low, we may not be able to fully understand or even appreciate the meaning of high.  Something comes from nothing.  Somebody comes from nobody.  Creation comes from destruction.

Just as I have learned through my investment advisory practice, maintaining balance through passive, yet mindful moderation will reduce the extreme highs and lows and provide greater long-term returns as a result.  For everything, there is a balance:  Eat before you are hungry; rest before you are tired; seek health before you lose it; live as if you will die; and, most importantly, find yourself before you are lost. 

Of course, self-awareness will ultimately reveal which path is best for us as individuals.  This path will change and we may continue moving forward if we will change with it... until, eventually, we become the path...

Comments

[Oz]

I am amazed by another post, many thanks Kent.

We try to maintain a similar attitude in my meditation group. Many times newcomers, and myself included, have trouble with maintaining a peace in our minds, and we'd try to force it to happen. Of course such efforts were useless and probably more hurtful than helpful.

However, there's always a question that comes up in this kind of discussion. Our freedom of action seems limited then by our thoughts. Does the freedom you're describing only come through acceptance of ALL that life has to offer? Or is freedom the wrong way to look at this?

[John In NY]

You can't possibly imagine how I needed to read this today...

Thank you very much - You do such wonderful work here.

[The Financial Philosopher]

Oz:

Your answer is actually within your question:

I believe, in the situation you describe, that we are "free" once we accept that we do not need to know the answers to our questions at the given moment. If our "freedom of action seems limited by our thoughts," then we simply accept that there is no "action" that is appropriate at that given moment...

If you are generally speaking of inertia, then I believe that self-awareness is the "remedy," if you will, that is required. Self-awareness will tell you what is causing the inertia, such as social convention, social pressures, media noise, language, self-doubt, or any combination of those.

Sometimes just saying, "I don't know," taking no immediate "action," and being OK with that, is the appropriate "action."

As usual, I will defer to someone else's words to provide clarity:

"Freedom from the desire for an answer is essential to the understanding of a problem." Jiddu Krishnamurti

Thanks, as always, for your thoughts...

On a separate but more personal note, have you graduated yet? If so, congratulations...

I imagine your educational experience has taught you that there is more that you do not know!

Cheers...

Kent

[The Financial Philosopher]

John:

I am happy to have helped in some way. Actually, your comment is exactly what I needed as well so we have helped each other today!

Cheers...

Kent

[Oz]

Thanks again, Kent.

And yes, I am graduating very soon, in less than two weeks. I've learned so much about what I actually do not know, quite a humbling experience.

[Susan]

Struggling to understand three different and awful situations that have happened to me of late, I was so grateful for this post, Kent. You're right--going with the natural flow of emotions and circumstances is more comforting than fighting them. And, I can look forward to the highs. Thanks for the reminder and the inspiration.

[Craig]

I absolutely love self improvement lol you could probably call me a fanatic, nice info

[The Financial Philosopher]

Craig:

It's interesting that you mention "self-improvement." I am currently working on clarifying my thoughts and conclusion that "improving the self" is not possible...

Stay tuned for my reasoning on this conclusion...

Thanks for the comment...

Kent

[Everything Counts]

Inspiring and wonderful post. I agree with all your view point.
To me self awareness and staying motivated throughout the life help us to complete the journey that leads to our goals and dreams.

[Robert]

A wonderful post. "If you are going through hell, keep going." very inspiring.