'Who Am I?' Part One: Emotional Intelligence

A belligerent Samurai, an old Japanese tale goes, once challenged a Zen master to explain the concept of heaven and hell.  But the monk replied with scorn, "Your nothing but a lout -- I can't waste my time with the likes of you!"  His very honor attacked, the Samurai flew into a rage and, pulling his sword from his scabbard, yelled, "I could kill you for you impertinence!"

"That," the monk calmly replied, "is hell."  Startled at seeing the truth in what the master pointed out about the fury that had him in his grip, the Samurai calmed down, sheathed his sword, and bowed, thanking the monk for the insight. 

"And that," said the monk, "is heaven." ~ from Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ

Everything worth pursuing begins with self-awareness; however, there must be something that takes place before self-awareness -- learning how to become aware of yourself!

In my humble opinion, self-awareness is an absolutely essential quality to find success in anything that we may choose to pursue in life.  In fact, a lack of self-awareness can quite effectively impede or even completely halt our progress toward any given pursuit.  I've certainly learned this through experience in my investment and financial planning career as well as my personal relationships!   

Some of my readers may recall my saying that knowing ourselves is two-tiered.  We must know ourselves as individuals but we should also know ourselves as humans.  Of course, it would be a foolish expectation to gain such knowledge quickly, as in the four minutes it may take to read this blog post.  But, fortunately, there are a few extremely valuable resources (for very little monetary expense) that can aid in answering the age-old philosophical question, "Who am I?"

I highly recommend the book, Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. This number one best-seller is a great place to discover who we are as individuals by focusing on the greatest strength of emotional intelligence, self-awareness.  The book also does a wonderful job of covering who we are as humans in that it explains the parts of our brain, or "hard-wiring," if you will, that "tell us what to do" or "how to feel" or "what to think." I highly recommend the book as a great place to begin your self-awareness journey.  Essentially, Goleman stresses the value of the "EQ" over the "IQ" and provides scientific and anecdotal evidence to underscore his findings.  The basic topics of the book include knowing one's emotions, managing emotions, motivating oneself, recognizing emotions in others (empathy), and managing relationships.

Here are a few choice excerpts:

Self-awareness -- recognizing a feeling as it happens -- is the keystone of emotional intelligence.

An inability to notice our true feelings leaves us at their mercy.  People with greater certainty about their true feelings are better pilots of their lives, having a surer sense of how they really feel about personal decisions from whom to marry to what job to take.

Emotional self-control -- delaying gratification and stifling impulsiveness -- underlies accomplishment of every sort.

If you are "new" to the idea of emotional intelligence and the underlying premise of self-awareness, I also highly recommend a few online resources for your path to self-discovery:

For some supplemental learning, I highly recommend these valuable online resources:

The Emotional IQ Test at Queendom.com:  This "scientifically validated" test is free and does a good job of reflecting the basics of the Goleman book with instant and insightful results.  For an extra $6.95, which I highly recommend, you can get additional results that can help in improving your emotional intelligence.

The Jung Typology Test::  This free, online test is based on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), which will define your personality type based on four categories: 1) Where you get your energy (extroverted vs introverted), 2) How you perceive (sensing vs intuitive), 3) How you make judgments or decisions (thinking vs feeling) and 4) How you prefer live (judging vs perceiving).  I am Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking & Perceiving (INTP).  What are you?

The Keirsey Temperament Sorter:  This is another free, online test and is similar to the MBTI.  This time, however, you will be categorized into one of the four "temperaments:"  Guardian, Artisan, Rational, President.  You are then sub-categorized and also given notable figures that share your temperament and sub-category.  I suggest you go beyond the test and learn more about those individuals and how they think so you may better understand how you think.  For Example, I was categorized as a "Rational / Mastermind" and some notable figures sharing the same temperament are Steven Hawking, Neils Bohr, Frederich Nietzsche, Ayn Rand, and Sir Isaac Newton.  I've read some of their ideas and found many parallels in our shared ways of thinking! 

The online tests mentioned above may take 15 to 30 minutes each to complete but are worth years of learning that you may have never discovered "on your own."  Also, if you have not read Emotional Intelligence by Goleman, it is an absolute must for all personality types!

I would love to know your results and what you have discovered.  Also, let me know of ways you've found helpful in learning more about yourself.

I'll continue this "Who Am I" series next with a lesson in discovering how there are different learning styles and understanding why "how we learn" is so crucial to understanding ourselves and others...

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Related Post: "Who Am I? Part Two: Learn How You Learn"

Comments

[donna]

"Of course, it would be a foolish expectation to gain such knowledge quickly,"

Actually, enlightenment is pretty much instantaneous...

;^)

I come out at almost 50/50 on almost all aspects of Myers-Briggs, except I never come out as a "J", always as a "P. Unless I'm in a really pissy mood.

I test as Idealist on Kiersey (big surprise)

I am far too impatient to take the EQ thing. Quit on the stupid picture questions. You can't determine people's emotions properly from a photo. I've read Goleman and am reading "Social Intelligence" right now.

[Leonardo Cecchini]

Hi Kent,

Great post. I have also read 'Emotional Intelligence' which subsequently spurred my curiosity in the field of behavioural finance and psychology in general. I would highly recommend also by Goleman, 'Destructive emotions, a scientific dialogue with the Dalai Lama'

With regards to the tests, I scored 122 on the EQ tests and was rated ENFJ on the Jung typoly test.

From my personal experience, I would suggest that to change one must first truly desire to change. To think that one should change will not suffice. Subsequently unlimited curiosity (which generally means the willingness to learn) is required because as Donna also says and I agree entirely, enlightenment is pretty much instantaneous. I would only add that one does not know or cannot determine when it will occur. I have studied/read extensively in the last few years and can probably condense to about 5 books those that had a meaningful impact on me. But without having read all the others, I would not have been able o appreciate them.

[The Financial Philosopher]

Great points, Donna and Leonardo:

I especially appreciate your view that "enlightenment is pretty much instantaneous."

I do agree. In hindsight, I should have stated that "improving emotional intelligence is possible but takes self-awareness and time."

Discovery can be instantantaneous but learning and improving is not likely to occur after taking an online survey.

I also agree with Leonardo's suggestion that "desire" comes before learning.

My greater purpose here at TFP is to become the spark that lights the flame of that "desire" and hopefully set people on their own path.

Thanks for the thought-provoking comments. I see myself as a "student" and always appreciate good "lessons..."

[new balance]

Hold yourself responsible for a higher standard than anyone else expects of you. Never excuse yourself. Thank You. . .

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